monumentamanda

As a longtime fan of Andrew, and self-proclaimed 'foodie,' I am so excited for this conversation. Join me in an intimate discussion with Andrew this Wednesday at 6PM ET. With 29 years of sobriety and an incredibly inspiring personal and professional journey, he has so much wisdom to share. 

RSVP here to reserve your spot! This is for Monument members only. 

Don't: Future trip
Do: Set achievable goals 

How do you practice self-confidence navigating sobriety or moderation? 

Happy Monday y'all. Anyone watch the VMAs last night? Loved this question from the Monument Instagram. Does anyone have any additions?!  Answers in comments! 

Hi everyone! Super excited to launch our virtual event series, Monument Live, with an intimate conversation with Rumer Willis next Thursday. We'll be discussing her path to sobriety, and you'll be able to ask anonymous questions, too! Register now to reserve your spot: http://bit.ly/mnmtlive

Thank you to everyone who makes this community a more honest, inclusive, encouraging, and welcoming space. We are honored to be on this journey together. 

One of my favorite IG accounts posted this today. I FELT this.  https://www.instagram.com/p/CDy6jIoJhZ0/

I used to get giddy with anticipation when we had a plan to meetup— usually on the weekends, always with other people. But I always left feeling anxious and unfulfilled, and like you overstayed your welcome. I’m sorry, but I just need to distance myself from you a little. You can still hang out with my friends. 

Sincerely,
Amanda

By: Sabrina Spotorno, LCSW-CASAC

Imagine your identity as a pizza pie 🍕. The slices are what make you a full-fledged, complex, and unique human-being: your beliefs, relationships, knowledge, lived experiences, and characteristics. And your toppings are your habits that bind the slices together.

If you’re confronted with a loss of sense-of-self while navigating the early days of moderation or sobriety, ask yourself this: is this a slice issue or a topping issue? It can be challenging to differentiate what we do from who we are, but it’s an important distinction to make to gain a stronger grasp on our identity.

A huge aspect of an early recovery identity crisis is the fact that alcohol can hijack the very systems that help us build our sense of who we are, leaving us to assume our alcohol use defines us.

Distinguishing Character vs. Habits

‘What we do’ is ever-changing. Our habits can feel defining at times, but they can evolve and adapt to align with what makes you, you. When we match our habits and practices to our character, we can achieve more harmony and a stronger sense of self. That’s a big part of this journey. Changing your behaviors to match your character, and becoming the best version of you.

Even if this concept makes sense, it can be hard to conceptualize our character and identity. What would you say if you were asked to finish the sentence “I am a…?” Chances are you would identify your roles, your appearance, your affiliations, or your job titles. These just skim the surface of you.

A deep dive into self-exploration will come with its own set of challenges. Some may call it an identity crisis. Deep breath. I know the idea of an ‘identity crisis’ sounds terrifying, so I’ve laid out two techniques you can use to reclaim your sense of self and help define your character as you navigate this new chapter.

Cognitive Reframing & Re-Attribution (Excuse me, what?)

Let’s break this one down. Cognitive reframing means changing the way we view situations, experiences, events, ideas, and emotions. This practice can help us ‘take back’ the things we used to associate with drinking.

Then comes the “Reattribution” part. Reattribution is a fancy therapy word for finding new explanations for why things happen, and challenging some of our deeply ingrained ideas by considering alternatives.

Let’s use an example.

Say, for example, you associate socializing with drinking, so your instinct is to believe that your new sobriety means you can’t be social anymore. Suppose you take a look at the other moments, memories, and experiences in life that are both social and sober. Think about how you can integrate these experiences into your new life without alcohol. Re-associate what socializing means to you, because it doesn’t have to mean drinking. It can mean intimate conversations with friends, clarity in relationships, high-energy, clear-headed parties, and more.

Challenging our thoughts and associations can be uncomfortable, but by changing our perspective we can build new associations and get to know ourselves better without alcohol.

Meeting Fear With Curiosity

Another reframing technique is to meet fear with curiosity. Can you be intrigued by the things that you are unsure about in your life? Are there ways to observe these unknowns as possibly delicious toppings?

A huge aspect of an early recovery identity crisis is the fact that alcohol can hijack the very systems that help us build our sense of who we are, leaving us to assume our alcohol use defines us. (Spoiler alert: it doesn’t!) In deciding to drink less or stop altogether, you will have to reconnect with what it means to hold space for yourself and your recollections. This can be very unsettling, particularly for those experiences that you would rather avoid thinking about. That’s where coping skills like mindfulness, self-soothing, and cognitive reframing come in. These practices can help regulate the intensity of these emotions as you find new ways to write your narrative.

Things are changing, so it’s natural to feel unsettled and unsure. But this change is good. I hope you take this time to reconnect with the beautiful things that make you, you with newfound clarity, perspective, and self-appreciation. If you want to stay in touch along the way, come check out our Support Groups, and explore Personalized Treatment options. You can do this!

A few of Monument’s therapist-moderated support groups

Sabrina Spotorno, LCSW is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with an affinity for working with children, adolescents, individuals, and families. She is a therapist on the Monument platform, and is trained in several modalities, including Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavior Therapy and Narrative Therapy. She’s passionate about empowering her clients to recognize their strengths amidst their life transitions to optimize their sense of efficacy and alignment of their actions with their beliefs and dreams.

From our Instagram today:

People ask us why we don't use the word "alcoholic" or "addict" at Monument. And it's because we believe you are not defined by your drinking habits. Perhaps you have a condition called alcohol use disorder, or "AUD." Which is a condition the same way heart disease is. Perhaps stressful times have resulted in more happy hours than feel good to you. Perhaps alcohol simply doesn't serve you anymore, and you want some support creating distance. Whatever it is, your drinking is not who you are, it is something you do, and if you want to, can change.