Hi everyone. I'm here because my husband has a drink problem. We have 2 young children including one who has extra needs due to neurodivergence. Parenting with a partner who is either stressed and moody or drunk and silly is getting harder as time goes by. I feel like we're in a perpetual state of waiting for things to magically get easier so we can plan a life we want... but somehow that time never comes, and here we are with no clear goal of how we want our life to be, or plan for how to go about doing more than getting through each week. I know I can't make him change. He knows he has a problem but can't or won't do anything to get help. How do we break out of this suffocating stasis? Feeling so sad and defeated today, but hopeful that others might relate to my experience and have some insight.
Where am I?
In The Monument Community you can ask and answer questions and share your experience with others!
Hi there, @generous_amethyst_119 I appreciate your courage and willingness to write. I hear you, and I am sorry to hear about what's been going on with your husband. I can't imagine it's been easy. This is truly an act of self-care and an act of love for your family. I really, really admire you for that. There are some resources for loved ones of folks with AUD in our article library here. I encourage you to take a look and continue to check in. Here for you 💚
I am one is those Dads. Tell him to join this platform. I have been here a year and for me it’s been a journey with ups and downs, but I am coming to a better place and Monument has been key in that Transition. We have to start somewhere, or we just never start.
Thank you, I sent him the link to this app. i hope he at least looks at it. I think he’s in a place of knowing he needs to cut down or stop, but maybe not quite feeling ready. what made you take the step to join? By the way, we’ll done on getting to the place you’re at now on your own journey
I'd echo infinite_orange that Monument is a really good, non-invasive, no pressure way to at least acknowledge "maybe this is too much" without...I don't know, the guilt/social pressure of a public-ish group like AA. It lets you express frustration and the community is nothing short of lovely.
Thank you. Im hoping the low pressure aspect will help him find his way in to this community. He has tried to cut down by himself a few times, but it never lasts more than a few days. I’m not sure he realizes yet how important getting help is for most people in his shoes. Going it alone just sounds so so hard! Thanks for your comment, hearing from other people is helping me a lot.
It is SO hard. I still struggle but I’ve definitely got my drinking down from 10 bottles of wine a week to 2-4 at the worst. I’d like to get down to the 1-2 range but celebrating progress is important. Steps forward and not feeling...a shame spiral about a misstep is also important. I am decidedly not a parent or spouse, so I can’t really imagine how hard it must be. That said, if he DOES make progress, finding a way to celebrate that without making it seem like the first step is the only needed step would probably go a long way.