I recently heard an interview with the actor Michael McKean where he said he stopped drinking because, "Drinking made me thirsty" and I was like oh, yes, that's how I'd say it! Having some makes me want more. I first tired Naltrexone a few years ago and that was the first time I was able to have some compassion towards myself that way, because I was like "OH, is this how OTHER PEOPLE are?!" Are they not thinking about drinks? Are they able to get halfway through one and forget it's there rather than pouring five more?

That really helped me see that while my environmental triggers are important, they're only a piece of the puzzle. I assumed people who only drank occasionally just had better willpower, and some do. But some just don't have alcohol flip that switch and trigger those cravings the way that my brain does. I'm looking forward to starting the meds again next week, as a support while I get used to changing my habits and seeing how much better I feel without!